I found myself taking work to seriously. I was worried about deadlines, clients not emailing back in a timely manner, about not making any money, about not having “free time”, about finding a new client because I had too much “free time”.
After several nervous anxiety moments, a few crying spells, phones calls to my mother, and many walks with the dogs, I went to see a doctor.
I knew if I did not speak with someone, other than a family member, I would be found face down on my key pad after having a massive heart attack, trying to create one last design.
My doctor said the same thing my mother, partner and best friends said…I was being emotional. I was not happy about this diagnose. What did I have to be emotional about? I have a wonderful life, I have a job that pays my bills, I just completed my second degree, I have friends and family who love me…what do you mean I am emotional?
I was not emotional because of PMS, I was worried and afraid to fail. My partner and I just invested $20k plus and years into sending me back to school, and now three clients into my new career I was having doubt…oh no…I knew this plan had to be revisited.
I knew I needed to channel this nervous anxiety into something positive. Therefore, I looked for an internship, or some things that would allow me to be around other designers and allow me to create something cool and different, something tactical. I found an internship with a company called Suite Paper. It is a local and online custom invitation design company. Amber, the owner, hired me and two other interns. We had a BLAST. I definitely received a boost and the confidence I was looking for and needed.
I realized as a designer and as a person, we all have moments of self-doubt. These moments may come at 4 am or seconds after you have sent a new client a proposal, but whenever these moments come, they just need a “come to Jesus meeting over coffee (aka wine)”, or sometimes I need to find a different way to create my craft. I just need to find a less stressful way, to invoke fun and laughter into my work.
Cause at the end of the day one works to “Do what they love and to love what they do”.
photos are from my instragram